Card #7 - you figured wrong

(circa 1935) from Joanee

This is an expression I am not only NOT familiar with, but I have no desire to become familiar with.  I would rather use my father's mysterious and obscure maxims like "this is better than getting beat with a piss elm club!"

I should make a valentines day card that says that.

Card #6 - Abuse of Power

(circa 1935 - sender unknown)

Hey Mr. Officer, your first sign should have been the lack of eye contact from her.  Ignoring that fact, opening with a pun is nearly always a thrill killer; as evidenced by her now facing the other direction.

Card #5 - Raggedy Ann: her yarn locks hide her psychosis

Look, sweet Raggedy Ann wants to give us her sewing basket of love.

(circa 1935)  from Charlyn Collison

Sweet fancy Moses, she's got a weapon - RUN!

Card #4 - Always lock your windows

(circa 1936 - from cousin Julian)

The quote within reads

"The Valentine I fondly choose, walks under your hat and in your shoes."

Are they talking about those leprechauns that come into my room at night?  Cause I put snap traps down for those tiny freaks.

Card #3 - Never trust the Kewpies

(circa 1934 - no signature)

That is sort of an ill placed horn, but once you open it up then you wish you hadn't.

What the narration doesn't say is that kewpie-like darling little girl ripped that heart out of some unsuspecting man's chest and now she is going to go joy riding in his vehicle only to toss the lifeless heart gaily into oncoming traffic.  

Women can be like that sometimes.

Card # 2 - Kittenish

(circa 1932 - from Phyllis)

This just goes to show you that even darling tabby kittens on the left can play coy.  The off the shoulder look might be a little daring at her age but it is the conspicuous brass knob that caught my eye. Did she sustain a horrible rotator cuff injury? Is she a bionic kitten? No she just has a charming message of endearment hiding behind her back.

Thanks for making me stand around and guess kitten!

Card #1 - forbidden toad love

(circa 1933 - signed on back "from loving cousins Sybil and Donny")

I get the whole "Oscar Wilde is a toad" thing they have going on here, although below the waistcoat he seems a little more Rudy from Fat Albert.  I must however take issue with the lady toad in the backless evening gown.  I am not sure that is the best fashion choice if you are entirely covered in warts.  Also can anyone shed some light on the yellow round object behind what would be the ear area?  It looks like a hubcap, although amphibians do have the ability to mutate more so than other critters; it could be a nipple... a human one.